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God
God is g Early Life God was created in the year before-anyone-could-remember. He was created in the image of His god, Super-God, who looked very similar to a dragon fruit. Super-God fucking sucks at making gods. Good thing this article is about the one that's perfect. Growing up, God had trouble connecting to other children in school. His therapist noted that He would frequently attempt to control His peers in various and often aggressive ways. Over in the sandbox, He would often creative massive flat disk planes for no reason whatsoever. The fact that he was a fully grown man only added on to the deep mental pain. Earth At age 2, God created Earth. Despite having the brain of a child, he was able to achieve this incredible feat, especially due to the fact that all of the planets Super-God made were completely void of life and he had been trying for... No, yeah, literally forever. It took God 6 fucking days to create the earth, dinosaur bones included. And just before the 7th day came, God saw every thing he had made, and behold, it was very good. Then he took a nap lol God sneezed on earth and made Man. He cloned that dude and made a woman. Obviously, God needed to separate His new invention from His ultimate holiness: so he threw them right in the garden and told them not to eat tha fruit that make you smartor. Those motherfuckers ate that shit and God got hella scared they'd eat the live forever fruit too, so He kicked them out of his cool garden. Nobody has ever found God's secret garden on Earth ever not even President Squidward could find it what the fuck his head is so huge he could find anything Prophets God spoke to many prophets in attempt to reach humans directly, seeing as He had no way of directly keeping in contact with them. Eventually, God didn't care anymore and He just started to fuck with people I mean why else make this earth if not for your own enjoyment Enoch Enoch was the first prophet that God chose. Not much is known about Enoch other than he lived for a measly 365 years. However, he was able to achieve heaven ascension, and developed his stand "New World" Noah God had to take a huge piss, and the Earth was the closest thing in the universe that God could piss on, but He thought it would be funny to tell someone on Earth to freak them out. This man was Noah, and God told him the funniest thing he could think of at the time: build a giant boat so he could still live on the Earth after God makes it ""rain"". God pissed all over Earth and Noah floated in his piss for literally 40 days and 40 nights. God thought by doing this, it would just kill everyone on Earth. But Noah was actually able to fit 2 of literally every animal in existence (except for the dodo bird lol) onto his boat somehow. When God came back to earth after 40 days he was very surprised to see that Noah had actually made it to land, so he decided to keep Earth because fucking with Noah was kinda funny. Abraham: The World's First Jew After the success of epicly trolling Noah, God hungered for more. God selected one of Noah's descendants to be the next host, and this time it was go big or go home. One day, God just straight told Abraham to leave his house and God promised him that if he walked far enough, God would literally make a kingdom for this dude. Abraham, at the ripe age of 75, set out on an adventure like none other before it because there were no other adventures before it. Abraham was a sucker like no other. God could convince this guy to do literally anything, even try to kill his own son what the hell. Abraham eventually bit the dust at age 175. While Abraham walked around forever, I don't think he ever found the promise land, but there's a reason they call him Father Abraham Jacob Jacob is probably one of the coolest people in the bible. Jacob is the son of Issac, that kid Abraham tried to kill, and he had an older brother named Esau. When they were in the womb, these dudes would brawl it out they didn't give a fuck. Jacob finessed his brother out of his birthright with a bowl of some god damn soup, as well as stealing Issac's blessing meant for Esau. Hope that soup was good Esau God told Jacob that he needed to keep looking for the promised land and Jacob was like sure G. A bunch of boring stuff happens that involves armies of men fighting and I'm pretty sure Jacobs daughter got raped or some shit, but just as his grandfather did, Jacob accomplished little in his short 147 on the earth. Just a bunch of walking around and not finding the promised land. In the end, the family tree was huge, and all of its members became The Israelites. Moses Moses was found floating down the river in a basket. Category:Character Category:Neutral Category:WIP